woman starts facebook account; middle school crush

    Some would say that he peaked in high school, but honestly he hasn't even reached his prime yet. He's had a string of meaningless relationships but that wasn't on him. Hell, one of those relationships resulted in a kid that he sees occasionally. If anything that made him more desirable.. right? Women love kids. Not to mention the "dad bod". That was something he's perfected over the years. 

    He had just been going about his day when facebook suggested her. He hadn't seen her in well over a decade but there was a time in middle school when she had the biggest crush on him. The poor girl probably thought she hid it well.. she really didn't. She was just a dork who had a few mutual friends. Regardless of the weirdo she once was, her profile said she was single and that was enough for him.

    "You know what" he thought to himself, "maybe it's time to make her day and try her on for size." He sent her a friend request. 

-----

    The next day he awoke to a new notification. She had added him back, clearly giving him the signal that she was still into him. This will be an easy mark indeed. He clicked the button to message her. 

OnlyGay4Trump: Hi honey how's everything going lately

    A few minutes had passed with no response. Minutes turned to hours. She can try to play hard-to-get but this is a game he will win. After seven hours, he got concerned that she thought this was one of those hot guys pranking ugly girls by showing interest type things. He decided to message her again. 

OnlyGay4Trump: ???

WeirdFlexButOkay: Great! How are you

    "Ahh, I knew that would work!" he thought.

OnlyGay4Trump: Pretty dam good

OnlyGay4Trump: Just trying to keep busy lol

WeirdFlexButOkay: That's good 🙂

OnlyGay4Trump: Mmhmm

OnlyGay4Trump: Where are you living now

    "It's taking like 15 minutes between replies. Jesus, I'll send her more question marks then since that seems to be all she replies to!" he said out loud in his quiet apartment. "Great, now I'm talking to myself. I have got to get laid."

OnlyGay4Trump: ???

WeirdFlexButOkay: Watkins Glen. You?

OnlyGay4Trump: Horseheads

OnlyGay4Trump: Watkins Glen is a very nice town

WeirdFlexButOkay: It is, I love it

OnlyGay4Trump: That's great news to hear

OnlyGay4Trump: Do you live alone?

WeirdFlexButOkay: No

OnlyGay4Trump: Lol ohhh

OnlyGay4Trump: You're not single?

WeirdFlexButOkay: I am single. I just don't live alone.

    He could never understand why someone wouldn't live alone. He had a kid of his own and he managed to live alone. It had always been a source of pride doing whatever he wanted to do, whenever he wanted to. He won't dismiss her yet. You never know when you'll find a great fuck buddy. Who knows, maybe her roommate is hot as hell. Either way, he's got to break her of this "replying when she wants" habit.  

OnlyGay4Trump: Ahh gotcha

OnlyGay4Trump: Well that's good to hear

OnlyGay4Trump: 🤩

OnlyGay4Trump: Well we should continue to talk and maybe hang out sometime

OnlyGay4Trump: Sound good to you?

    The time ticked on, again. He opened the message back up, entirely prepared to send her more question marks. That is, until he saw she had opened the message.. she saw what he had said and left him on read. 

    "How dare she!? Did she forget how enamored she was with me in middle school?! What is it with women these days!?" he hollered. "Did she not read the part where I said we should continue to talk?!" Fighting the urge to give up on this lost cause, he messaged her... again.

OnlyGay4Trump: Umm???

WeirdFlexButOkay: Thanks for the offer but I'd rather not

OnlyGay4Trump: Ohh ok then

OnlyGay4Trump: 😢

WeirdFlexButOkay: Sorry

OnlyGay4Trump: Ehh it's alright I guess

    Not really knowing what to do with this bizarre reaction, he left her completely alone. Maybe time would shake some sense into her. 

-----

    It's been six days and she hasn't really left his mind. He didn't know if he was upset with her for wanting nothing to do with him or just pissed. Either way, he wanted her to suffer the same uncomfortable feeling he has been going through. He concocted the perfect revenge and messaged her yet again.

OnlyGay4Trump: 

WeirdFlexButOkay: Oh god, why

    Revenge plot went off with much success. She'll have the stupid song stuck in her head for days and he was able to leave her on read. Maybe she'll give a guy a chance before rejecting him so unkindly in the future. Maybe, just maybe, she'll learn her lesson. 

Spoiler alert, she found it really strange and bizarre. She did, in fact, NOT learn her lesson. She even dismissed the whole thing immediately until it was dug back up to write this romantic short story.